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My Saving Grace

One year ago on this day I found out I was expecting a little miracle I later named Layla Noelle!

With all of the unexpected events that happen during her pregnancy she quickly became my Saving Grace.   

Here we are 4 short months into her little life and I feel she has been with me forever!  Words can't express the love I have for her, my heart loves this little girl more then she will ever know.

I know life will be bring us challenges as mother and daughter, but I truly look forward to them.  I look forward to the slumber parties, shopping trips and one day school dances and if I let her...dating.  Ug!

 I am honored to be her mommy and I am happy to step up to the challenging plate to fill in as daddy too.

I often listen to this song and and it makes me laugh to think about what she is going to be like as a teenager!  

It's going to be fun...Layla and I together!

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4 months old!

Happy 4 month old Birthday Layla Noelle!

How could you  not want to see her everyday of your life?

Layla you weigh 14.8 pounds

You wear a size 2 diaper

Finally you are wearing 0-3 month/size

1 shoes

You have completely outgrown your 0-3 month clothes. Three-six month clothes are fitting you quite well.

To make sure you get use out of all your clothes you need to wear at least two new outfits each week until you move up to the next size.

This cute little outfit was given to you at your baptism from Aunt Eva. It's a 3-6 months outfit and the shirt fits pretty good, but the pants are pretty snug.  It just shows how much you have grown this month.

I love this outfit so much it makes me sad that you might not fit in it much longer.

Layla you sleep from about 9 p.m. till about 5:30 a.m.

Usually around 5:30 you wake-up hungry.  Immediately I feed you and you fall right back to sleep.  

When I leave to work you are still sound asleep in your pack-n- play in my room.  On weekends after your 5:30 feeding I usually leave you in bed with me so we can have some snuggle time.

I have to say you sleep better then your brothers even do now.  

We have had a really busy month.  This was the first time for me to bring you out the house.  You have been such the trouper and I love how you just go with the flow.

Your brothers love to show you off to everybody.  They are so "fatherly" and always keep a careful eye on you.

Layla you have changed so much this month.  If you can't tell you have put a little weight on since last month..  One of my many favorite things about you is your little chunky thighs.  Everyone that sees you I  have to show off your meaty, little legs.  They make me smile because I know that feature truly came from me!  Ha! Ha!

Also, you finally started laughing and it's such the sweetest sound.  Your laughs are so contagious and it has a chain effect on all of us.  I hope your personality continues to be bright and cheerful.  Already at 4 months old everyone wants to be around you.  

Layla you are such a lovable, little girl!

I love coming home from work because you always welcome me with one of your beautiful smiles.  

We usually spend our evenings waiting on Blake to complete his homework, eat dinner together as a family, we might watch Dancing with the Stars (your brothers favorite), going to soccer practice or CCD.  

I'm kinda excited to see some of our extracurricular activities wrap-up so we can spend more time together as

as family.

So little miss Layla the point of this basket picture is to show how long you get each month.  I just need to combine the monthly pictures to get the full effect.  Maybe I'll have time for it next month. The last two months you cried when I took this picture, so I have to say you are not a fan of the white basket picture.

This month should be pretty calm considering everything we did last month.  We do have a crawfish party to attend and your aunts, uncles, and cousins will be in town at the end of the month to watch Blake's last soccer game.

I don't want the time to fly by, but I do look forward to our upcoming summer months and all the fun things I have planned for us!

This summer is going to be awesome!

Check out all our adventures from this last month.  Remember we had spring break, so she had many new outfits to wear. I tried to put the pictures in order,  but this blog does not always want to cooperate.

Layla and mommy ready to attend cousin Ada's bridal shower over spring break.

Spring break outfit #1

Nanny and Layla at cousin Ada and Shawn's wedding at the T-Bar resort.
Such a fun fun night!!  Layla wore a beautiful, fuchsia, puffy dress.

Gosh!  Layla is a lucky girl!  Look at those two awesome, handsome,
big brothers she is lucky to have.  

Cousin Stefanie taking time to hold Layla.

What I love about Layla is that she brings so much joy to not just me, but
everyone that comes in contact with her.  

The bride, Ada, stopped by for a minute to spend some snuggle time with her!

Ohhh...I didn't mention this:  Layla started to really suck her thumb.
I know I should stop it, but it's so dang cute.  We'll hit her dad up for braces in 12-13 years.

The two Graff girls

It seems like Kourtney was just my little baby.  She has grown to become a beautiful, smart 16 yr old sophomore.
I hope she chooses to be apart of Layla's life so she will  have a positive, female influence around. We love
you so much, Kourtney!

Graff cousins

Kolby will be heading off for his freshman year of college to ConcordiaUniversity on a soccer scholarship.
 He is setting the standard high for my boys, which I love.  We love you Kolby and we can't
wait to watch you play college soccer and see all the awesome things you are
going to accomplish in your life! If I'm remembering right
Kolby is the first Graff boy to go to college!   You make us proud!

We ended the month with Aunt Carrie's surprise 30th birthday party.

Chase-bug not wanting to take a picture!  He was recovering from
an upper-respiratory infection.

Aunt Carrie and her parents, Patsy and Wayne.

Can't forget Layla and Brendal's baptism

Majority of the Arredondo girl cousins and maw maw
at Ada's bridal shower.

Spring break outfit #2 

Spring break outfit #3

Spring break pink jellies...don't you just love them?

Layla got her ears pierced.  I promise it's not as bad as it looks. 

See - all better!  We shared this special event with her sister-cousin, Brendal!

Spring break outfit #4

We all attended the Nederland Heritage parade.  I don't think
my boys have ever been to a parade.  

St. Patrick's Day 2012

Spring Break outfit #5

Handsome brothers!

Enjoying the wedding

Uncle "C" and Blake are best buddies

Paw Paw B taking care of Chase

On July 9, 2011 my husband walked into our house and told me he wanted a divorce.  He gave me one reason and that was he had not seen his friends in 6 years and he was done.  I gave him one opportunity to change his mind and he told me no.  He said that I was not going to change.  When asked what I needed to change he could not tell me.

So on that day not just my life changed, but our 6 year old son and 2 year old son.

In the months to follow I was pretty much kicked out of our house, became a single parent, and went through a pregnancy alone.

After the baby arrived he refuse to help with her saying there was to much going on at work.

He has been hateful to me and has treated me cruel and unfair.

I have never been allowed to ask any questions regarding the divorce.  The one opportunity I got to discuss it he just stared at me and had no response.  Another time I was crying to him asking over and over why he was doing this and his response, "Would you like for me to leave and come back later?"

He has shown very little sympathy for me and my children.  Throughout the 8 months while I was raising kids and being pregnant he was attending football games, a Halloween party, a New Years Eve party, etc.

He never attended a doctors appointment with me, but felt he belonged in the delivery room because he was the father.  He was not allowed.

I have known all along that he has had a girlfriend the entire time.  A girl who has no morals or values. Moral and values that I thought we had installed in our children together.  Someone that would date a married man.  A girl that is confused in her own ways, but found an easy way out through him. Even though it meant breaking up a family.

I never confronted him about it - I just waited for him to come clean.  So, one afternoon 7 months post separation/divorce he tells me that they are dating.  At that moment he knew that I knew there was more.  Will he ever confess?   Probably not.

He would rather build a relationship with another woman then establish a bond with his daughter.

Will he ever apologize for his behavior?  Very doubtful.  He has put his pride before his own family.

To say a lot has changed for the kids and I would probably be the understatement of the year. Blake is slowly adjusting, Chase doesn't speak of him much, and Layla will never know a difference.  Me - betrayal has been the worst.  Thinking that this one person you thought loved and cared for you unconditionally was a lie....WELL is hard.  Do I feel I'm moving in the right direction...YES!  Am I happy?  I'm getting there!

To know it was his poor choices that caused this marriage to fail and not me is somewhat comforting.  To know he didn't value me as his wife is pretty tough.

What I hope?  I hope that one day I can forgive.  I hope one day I will be willing to accept him for his faults and I won't be embarrass of him.  That I might come to an understanding of it all.  Maybe with time....

What I love?  I love that my future is so open.  It makes me nervous, yet it's kind of exciting.

What I know?  That my kids will be great!  That all 3 are so loved. Blake will adjust.  I will be wonderful.

Are you wondering why I'm writing this? To tell you the truth I don't know.  It truly feels good to finally be speaking.  I have been quiet to long.

Every good and perfect gift is from above. -- James 1:17

I like to think that my parents did many good things when raising Brock, myself and Meghan.

They taught us the importance of family.  That no matter what, you are there for each other and you learn to love, support, and depend on one another.

On top of having our relationship, it was very important to them that we built a relationship with God.

We were brought up in a Catholic loving home.  I can't remember missing church as a child.  No matter how late I stayed out or what my plans were it was a must that I attend church.

As an adult I'm so grateful for my faith and the determination my parents had to make God an important part of my childhood.  It's my faith in God that has gotten me through these few months.  I often find myself praying and not even realizing it.  Mainly praying for my babies well-being.  That they are protected at all times.  I pray for their father that one day he realizes the impact this decision had on everyone and he ask for forgiveness.  I pray that I can forgive him one day and not carry so much anger and our children find ways to accept him as they grow into adults.  Read my previous post.  I'm just a praying fool these days!

I want my children to know God.  

So on March 10th my last child and only daughter was baptized where her father and I were married 9 years ago.  This is the same church my other two babies were baptized and where I made my confirmation way back when. On this day I made the choice for Layla that she will accept Jesus into her life and I made the promise to teach her His ways.

It was an emotional day for me because I feel she has been cheated out of so much already.  Unlike her brothers where they had both parents present, little Miss Layla had just me.  Over time I realized that it was okay because she had her Nanny (Aunt Meghan) right there to become her Godmother and her Uncle Brock as Godfather.   There were so many people in attendance that I know Layla will be loved and protected throughout her life.

Layla Noelle and Brendal Ann will one day become best friends.  I pray that they will love and cherish each other like sisters.  I was honored to be chosen as Godmother for my sweet niece.  

Father Dan officiated the baptism ceremony

I'm one lucky girl to have my wonderful sister to be such big party of Layla's life.  She has been one of my biggest supporters this past year and my life would not be as cheery if she wasn't apart of it.  Meghan has such a way to lift me up, remind me what is important, and has always loved me unconditionally.  God knew just what he was doing when he put us together!

It's so sweet to see this picture.  These little boys have so much love for each other.  

Blake is such a little protecter.

Sweet Brendal!

Layla's Godparents

I was blessed to be given another sister when Brock married.  Carrie has been such a great friend to me and I know she loves my children as her own.  Carrie is our "doctor" of the family and always has answers to my questions.  She has such a peacefulness about her that makes you want to be around her.  

I look forward to the day when Meghan and Curtis become parents!

My Aunt Eva graciously let us borrow her house for the reception!

My cousin, Tiffany, who help me name Layla.  For weeks we went back and fourth with names and to know it was right in front of us the whole time!

Baby carrier parking lot!  My cousin Lisa and her husband Chase are fostering a little girl with the hopes of adoption.  I can't wait for the day when we get to have her big adoption celebration.  She is such a beautiful little girl who deserves to be with such wonderful parents like Lisa and Chase.  

Our day was beautiful just like our girls!