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My Saving Grace

One year ago on this day I found out I was expecting a little miracle I later named Layla Noelle!

With all of the unexpected events that happen during her pregnancy she quickly became my Saving Grace.   

Here we are 4 short months into her little life and I feel she has been with me forever!  Words can't express the love I have for her, my heart loves this little girl more then she will ever know.

I know life will be bring us challenges as mother and daughter, but I truly look forward to them.  I look forward to the slumber parties, shopping trips and one day school dances and if I let her...dating.  Ug!

 I am honored to be her mommy and I am happy to step up to the challenging plate to fill in as daddy too.

I often listen to this song and and it makes me laugh to think about what she is going to be like as a teenager!  

It's going to be fun...Layla and I together!

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4 months old!

Happy 4 month old Birthday Layla Noelle!

How could you  not want to see her everyday of your life?

Layla you weigh 14.8 pounds

You wear a size 2 diaper

Finally you are wearing 0-3 month/size

1 shoes

You have completely outgrown your 0-3 month clothes. Three-six month clothes are fitting you quite well.

To make sure you get use out of all your clothes you need to wear at least two new outfits each week until you move up to the next size.

This cute little outfit was given to you at your baptism from Aunt Eva. It's a 3-6 months outfit and the shirt fits pretty good, but the pants are pretty snug.  It just shows how much you have grown this month.

I love this outfit so much it makes me sad that you might not fit in it much longer.

Layla you sleep from about 9 p.m. till about 5:30 a.m.

Usually around 5:30 you wake-up hungry.  Immediately I feed you and you fall right back to sleep.  

When I leave to work you are still sound asleep in your pack-n- play in my room.  On weekends after your 5:30 feeding I usually leave you in bed with me so we can have some snuggle time.

I have to say you sleep better then your brothers even do now.  

We have had a really busy month.  This was the first time for me to bring you out the house.  You have been such the trouper and I love how you just go with the flow.

Your brothers love to show you off to everybody.  They are so "fatherly" and always keep a careful eye on you.

Layla you have changed so much this month.  If you can't tell you have put a little weight on since last month..  One of my many favorite things about you is your little chunky thighs.  Everyone that sees you I  have to show off your meaty, little legs.  They make me smile because I know that feature truly came from me!  Ha! Ha!

Also, you finally started laughing and it's such the sweetest sound.  Your laughs are so contagious and it has a chain effect on all of us.  I hope your personality continues to be bright and cheerful.  Already at 4 months old everyone wants to be around you.  

Layla you are such a lovable, little girl!

I love coming home from work because you always welcome me with one of your beautiful smiles.  

We usually spend our evenings waiting on Blake to complete his homework, eat dinner together as a family, we might watch Dancing with the Stars (your brothers favorite), going to soccer practice or CCD.  

I'm kinda excited to see some of our extracurricular activities wrap-up so we can spend more time together as

as family.

So little miss Layla the point of this basket picture is to show how long you get each month.  I just need to combine the monthly pictures to get the full effect.  Maybe I'll have time for it next month. The last two months you cried when I took this picture, so I have to say you are not a fan of the white basket picture.

This month should be pretty calm considering everything we did last month.  We do have a crawfish party to attend and your aunts, uncles, and cousins will be in town at the end of the month to watch Blake's last soccer game.

I don't want the time to fly by, but I do look forward to our upcoming summer months and all the fun things I have planned for us!

This summer is going to be awesome!

Check out all our adventures from this last month.  Remember we had spring break, so she had many new outfits to wear. I tried to put the pictures in order,  but this blog does not always want to cooperate.

Layla and mommy ready to attend cousin Ada's bridal shower over spring break.

Spring break outfit #1

Nanny and Layla at cousin Ada and Shawn's wedding at the T-Bar resort.
Such a fun fun night!!  Layla wore a beautiful, fuchsia, puffy dress.

Gosh!  Layla is a lucky girl!  Look at those two awesome, handsome,
big brothers she is lucky to have.  

Cousin Stefanie taking time to hold Layla.

What I love about Layla is that she brings so much joy to not just me, but
everyone that comes in contact with her.  

The bride, Ada, stopped by for a minute to spend some snuggle time with her!

Ohhh...I didn't mention this:  Layla started to really suck her thumb.
I know I should stop it, but it's so dang cute.  We'll hit her dad up for braces in 12-13 years.

The two Graff girls

It seems like Kourtney was just my little baby.  She has grown to become a beautiful, smart 16 yr old sophomore.
I hope she chooses to be apart of Layla's life so she will  have a positive, female influence around. We love
you so much, Kourtney!

Graff cousins

Kolby will be heading off for his freshman year of college to ConcordiaUniversity on a soccer scholarship.
 He is setting the standard high for my boys, which I love.  We love you Kolby and we can't
wait to watch you play college soccer and see all the awesome things you are
going to accomplish in your life! If I'm remembering right
Kolby is the first Graff boy to go to college!   You make us proud!

We ended the month with Aunt Carrie's surprise 30th birthday party.

Chase-bug not wanting to take a picture!  He was recovering from
an upper-respiratory infection.

Aunt Carrie and her parents, Patsy and Wayne.

Can't forget Layla and Brendal's baptism

Majority of the Arredondo girl cousins and maw maw
at Ada's bridal shower.

Spring break outfit #2 

Spring break outfit #3

Spring break pink jellies...don't you just love them?

Layla got her ears pierced.  I promise it's not as bad as it looks. 

See - all better!  We shared this special event with her sister-cousin, Brendal!

Spring break outfit #4

We all attended the Nederland Heritage parade.  I don't think
my boys have ever been to a parade.  

St. Patrick's Day 2012

Spring Break outfit #5

Handsome brothers!

Enjoying the wedding

Uncle "C" and Blake are best buddies

Paw Paw B taking care of Chase

On July 9, 2011 my husband walked into our house and told me he wanted a divorce.  He gave me one reason and that was he had not seen his friends in 6 years and he was done.  I gave him one opportunity to change his mind and he told me no.  He said that I was not going to change.  When asked what I needed to change he could not tell me.

So on that day not just my life changed, but our 6 year old son and 2 year old son.

In the months to follow I was pretty much kicked out of our house, became a single parent, and went through a pregnancy alone.

After the baby arrived he refuse to help with her saying there was to much going on at work.

He has been hateful to me and has treated me cruel and unfair.

I have never been allowed to ask any questions regarding the divorce.  The one opportunity I got to discuss it he just stared at me and had no response.  Another time I was crying to him asking over and over why he was doing this and his response, "Would you like for me to leave and come back later?"

He has shown very little sympathy for me and my children.  Throughout the 8 months while I was raising kids and being pregnant he was attending football games, a Halloween party, a New Years Eve party, etc.

He never attended a doctors appointment with me, but felt he belonged in the delivery room because he was the father.  He was not allowed.

I have known all along that he has had a girlfriend the entire time.  A girl who has no morals or values. Moral and values that I thought we had installed in our children together.  Someone that would date a married man.  A girl that is confused in her own ways, but found an easy way out through him. Even though it meant breaking up a family.

I never confronted him about it - I just waited for him to come clean.  So, one afternoon 7 months post separation/divorce he tells me that they are dating.  At that moment he knew that I knew there was more.  Will he ever confess?   Probably not.

He would rather build a relationship with another woman then establish a bond with his daughter.

Will he ever apologize for his behavior?  Very doubtful.  He has put his pride before his own family.

To say a lot has changed for the kids and I would probably be the understatement of the year. Blake is slowly adjusting, Chase doesn't speak of him much, and Layla will never know a difference.  Me - betrayal has been the worst.  Thinking that this one person you thought loved and cared for you unconditionally was a lie....WELL is hard.  Do I feel I'm moving in the right direction...YES!  Am I happy?  I'm getting there!

To know it was his poor choices that caused this marriage to fail and not me is somewhat comforting.  To know he didn't value me as his wife is pretty tough.

What I hope?  I hope that one day I can forgive.  I hope one day I will be willing to accept him for his faults and I won't be embarrass of him.  That I might come to an understanding of it all.  Maybe with time....

What I love?  I love that my future is so open.  It makes me nervous, yet it's kind of exciting.

What I know?  That my kids will be great!  That all 3 are so loved. Blake will adjust.  I will be wonderful.

Are you wondering why I'm writing this? To tell you the truth I don't know.  It truly feels good to finally be speaking.  I have been quiet to long.